The D-Word

I married someone at the young age of 20 and divorced him at the young age of 22. (Still sounds weird to me). I am now 24 and feel a compelling desire to talk about divorce from my perspective.

Besides a counselor and very close friends, I have been very quiet during the past two years. I wanted to live life, to absorb what I had just experienced, to be selfish, to be alone, and to find myself (as lame as that sounds).

I have a select few that have been a huge asset in my journey of getting back on my feet. They answered phone calls, ugly crying, messages, and chocolate requests.

Sadly, I also experienced negative feedback:

"The Bible says it's only okay to divorce if they cheated."

"I think the solution for our country is that people need to stop getting divorced... Sorry Rachel."

"Well, me and my husband just promised each other that divorce was not an option."

"Maybe if you guys had been more diligent in the church.."

Seriously? And all of the above statements were made by people that didn't know the details of my divorce.

I am not saying I endorse divorce or that I think everyone should get one. When a friend opens up to me about their marital problems, I do not tell them where to pick up divorce papers. I'm simply saying that I felt stuck and alone. I was terrified of judgement and being looked down on.

So I stayed. I stayed because I thought people would think I had given up. That I had been lazy in the time of being together. That I had made zero effort in making it work. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. I did not get married with the idea of ending in divorce. I had full intent of giving it my 100%.

Let me address this: He is a great person, he really is. But that was the worst and most miserable time in my life. You can imagine my surprise when they weren't happy for me.

So please, be sensitive to those going through a divorce. It's obviously a tough time. Just listen. Just be there. And FOR THE LOVE OF DIET COKE, DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.

"But Rachel, it's been two years, why are you now addressing this? Are you that thirsty for attention?"

I do love me some attention, but no. This has been a topic I wanted to write about but I could never put it exactly how I wanted. I also have taken these two years to adjust, soothe, clear my mind, and fix myself; which I felt was at the top of my to do list.

"Rachel, you're so vague. Tell me what happened."

I would be happy to tell you! Message me and we can discuss it sometime. But word travels fast and to avoid gossip, I like to talk to people that really care in person.

"You told me that you got a divorce because you did genealogy and found out you were related. Is that true?"

Nope. Some of you might already know this, but after a divorce, people ask why it occurred. I quickly found out that they were looking for one easy answer so they knew what to avoid in their own life. It's never one quick answer. It's a culmination of things. So, for my sick amusement, I came up with fake causes for the divorce when I didn't feel like discussing it. Some are still floating around out there. But no, no distantly-related-incest occurred.